graduation

as of yesterday, i am no longer a student of ACJC. its kinda funny, cos people are supposed to feel sad when these kind of things happen, and a few of my friends and teachers did the customary crying during the ceremony and afterwards.

for me, well, i guess you'd only cry if it really impacted you. i mean, my jc life has been so short that there has been almost no emotional stake involved in it. im not some guy who has been through 12 years of ac education like the rest. ive been to different schools so i guess ive always been more of a wanderer rather than a stayer.

another reason would probably be because there is a time lag involved in these kind of things. maybe next year, when you wake up at 7 o clock in the morning and you go "oh shit! im late for school!" maybe then it will strike you that you have no more school and that its never gonna be the same again.

right now, nope, nothing's stirring inside. the only thing ive really felt is a sort of relief, that it is finally all over and we can get down to what really engages us in life. jc in a way was stifling. jc was also damn fun. jc was short and that is good cos you cant be stifled all the time, even though youre having some of the best fun youve had in your life.

maybe it could also be explained by the lack of friendships i have in this school. hey dont get me wrong, i do have some really good close friends but when u look around and people all around are taking photos with each other, well, you cant help but feel a little left out sometimes. i mean, theyve known each other for 8 to 12 years and youve only known a few people for 2 years so i guess theres a vast disparity in terms of familiarity.

the valedictory speech told us to reach for the stars and live our dreams. how cliche, even though it sounded good. not many of us will really live our dreams. not many of us will reach our stars. we might get bogged down with a day job that never seems to go anywhere. we might get bogged down with family committments (unless thats your dream). we might work so hard that we sacrifice everything else in life. so yea, i guess that its easier to say such things than do them.

so, with the cliched speech in mind i walked out of acjc. not for the last time mind you, i still have to come back an take the a levels. but deep inside, the feeling is that of a business deal. theyve given me so much in terms of life experience an oppurtunities and ive tried my best in return to give some back.

so i guess ill thank my teachers for their wonderful support and those friends that are true to me here.

and after that, what happens? maybe sometimes we'll meet up, maybe we'll drift away. maybe ill come back to serve the school, although that is highly unlikely. everything seems so transient, at this transitionary stage of our lives. no angst i guess, theres nothing to be angsty about. its just that, its a combination of jadedness and excitement, if ever such contrasting emotions can come into play together.

the knowledge that u can do absolutely whatever you want after jc life. and the knowledge that you too, are pretty tired of jc and pretty apprehensive about going into the real world, where politics are paramount and image is just about everything, as is connections.

ive always hated ac for the image driven aspect of it, but i realised that its what makes its people so adaptable and well liked.

haha, like a naive child that learns there is no santa claus, i step towards the real world. i leave behind more naivety and i take with me more hope that somehow, i can survive all this.

thanks for all the great times guys.