Reminesce (girl of my dreams)

they say that people tend to reminesce about their childhood cos thats the only time when they were truly happy. maybe this is true to some extent but i think its also cos its in the past and thus it can never be revisited again; like some magical Secret Garden that has been forever sealed up to you.

one of my very first tuition centres (being singaporean, i had lots of tuition) was this one called Morris Allen. some of you may have heard of it or even been to it. i went there for English tuition, not that i needed it haha but i had lots of fun there so i wanted to stay (odd huh, having fun at tuition).

basically i was taught by ang mohs and they were good teachers. if u didnt listen they would ream you out and they were typically direct in their quaint ang moh ways. i remember my teacher was impressed that at primary 4 i knew about Adolf Hitler. i wonder why. lots of kids know lots of things anyway, maybe she came from the dark ages. its sometimes funny how the older generation fails to realise that kids are getting smarter these days. i know ill probably make the same mistake next time. like mistaking my two year old son for playing with a "dangerous" toaster when he's actually repairing it. or something.

but the real experience that impacted me at morris allen wasnt some teacher or some arsehole. quite funny, but it was actually a girl and the full extent of it didnt strike me until years later.

you see, there was this girl in my class called Phoebe. at that time i was damn swakoo (mountain tortoise) so i thought her name was pronounced "Foe-Bee" instead of "Fee-Be" (phonetically, at least)

well, morris allen has its own "gifted" programme and i happened to be in the class of "gifted" pupils, the only exception being that while the rest in reality still went to mainstream schools.
but that is a small matter, cos i guess Phoebe was as gifted as they come.

you know, its interesting when i look back in child hood and think of all the different people that ive met and how lots of them are actually gifted, or more gifted than i am. it always amuses them when i tell them they could be in the GEP. maybe they dunt believe me; or maybe they just dont see intelligence in the same way that i see it. academics is a rather small matter. only singapore makes it out to be the be all and end all of everything. sad to say.

but i digress. Phoebe...she was one spunky, fiesty girl. she was short. shorter than me, which at that time (and now still) is quite an accomplishment in itself. i wasnt used to having people shorter than me so i guess i made the fact very obvious.

Phoebe was loud. she was brash, like me. we were pretty much the same. competitive.(i always beat her at worksheets anyway) outgoing(yes last time i was a LOT louder than i am now)

Phoebe always happened to sit next to me in class. this fact was not apparent to my pre-adolescant mind until i told my mom of that "irritating girl who keeps sitting besides me in class". my mother, being the conservative, and hence perceptive chinese woman that she is, told me not to "get involved with girls at this young age". to which i replied "huh??" in any case, my mom made me promise not to sit next to Phoebe anymore.

so the next lesson i went back and Phoebe as usual was going to take the seat next to me so i just moved to another seat. please realise that i was still a staunch christian at this young age so sex and girls were no-go areas for me. besides, the hormones werent at work yet.

i cant really remember what the reaction of Phoebe was because i honestly didnt take notice. i mean, if u were in my position, you wouldnt take notice either. but the time came for "book borrowing". every week, we are supposed to borrow a book and bring it home for reading. the books were colour coded according to reading difficulty and i always picked the most difficult books. not to suit my ego mind you, but cos the rest were simply to pussy to read. no, seriously.

so anyway, i settled on this Mensa Brain Book thing or something like that and along comes Phoebe and wonder of wonders, she wants the bloody same book! well of course you cant have it, i took it first! but Phoebe wanted it, oh yea.

after class, i went to get my bag from the locker and Phoebe kinda followed behind. being short, i mistakenly placed my bag in the topmost locker and so i was having a hard time reaching the lock with my keys. Phoebe had hers on a lower level so she got her bag out pretty fast. and seized her moment.

she grabbed my book from me. that wanker.

so of course what do you do? you act like a gentleman and let her have it right? fuck no!! i wrenched it back from her but she was pretty strong for a small girl. and for some reason there was no teacher in sight. theyd all gone home or were having sex in their office or something. even the receptionist was gone. it was just me and her. mano a mano.

so we tussled and she grabbed the book to her chest and bent over a chair. and so i encircled her from behind (yes i realise that this is very graphic but hey i was an innocent kid ok) and i managed to get it free. but she came up behind and started scrabbling for it again.

looking back. that was the very first time i ever felt a girl's tits on me. (but of course in the middle of a savage fight for the book you love you dont think about this)

so in the end i was damn frustrated. look, if u want it so badly you can have it! for God's sake. so i just let her have the book and i got my bag (finally) and i started walking down the stairs.

in a moment she was out after behind me as well. "here, Take Your Stupid Book Back!!!" and she promptly flung it down the stairs. i picked it up and walked away. bitch.

Phoebe didnt hang around for long. after a few more lessons she was gone. to where i never really did find out. its strange cos i felt a loss when she left. the classroom was a bit too quiet. but i didnt think much about it. 10 yr olds dont really think about people coming and going. at least not this 10 yr old.

looking back one day on the whole incident, i wonder what made me remember, i realised that Phoebe liked me. the evidence is there. competition. outward expression of hate but with no real substance behind it. she grabbing me. hell man, i was hot.

heh, its funny how nostalgia plays funny tricks on you. ive wondered if i somehow met Phoebe on the road today....would i recognise her and she me? would i like her? i guess i would, always liked fiesty girls with a zest for life. maybe she's changed, maybe not.

i lie in bed sometimes and i wodner where she is, and what shes doing. you know, mindless, aimless adolescant wondering that probably has no use and no purpose. and i sit and sigh (i wonder why i sigh too). if only i could meet Phoebe, the girl of my dreams, literally haha

i guess its really through rose tinted glasses that i remember Phoebe fondly.

where ever, you are now Phoebe, bless you. and i hope we somehow meet again. if not for the fact that i think ud be really good in bed.

but hey man, i was hotttt

still am....OKAY?