full circle
as i sat there in the auditorium. listening, looking, waiting for my name to be read out, i couldnt help but think that JC is truly a dream. i'd already known my results beforehand so the surprise wasnt there anymore, but that doesnt mean i was any less pleased than i should be.
never in my dreams would i have expected all As and especially so for econs, which i don't recall passing at all during my time in acjc. maybe this is truly the ac spirit that they were talking about...performing during crunch time, but slacking at all other times haha.
still, as i sat there, i thanked God. and then i wondered why i thanked him. it was almost instinctive, this thanking of him and so remiscient of that time in p6, when the results were being read out and i was again shot into the clouds. its a great feeling, to feel like you were 12 again and knwoing that you still have a future and you dont have to go the long hard way.
how singaporean, to base my happiness on my results but then again it is more than just the results. its the fact that i somehow unknowingly, by serendipity or just plain dumb luck, have triumphed. over my doubts and fears that JC life will just be as screwed up as secondary school life was. that i would always be the loser. i proved to my parents that i am not a loser but i think the most important thing is that i also proved to myself that i am not a loser and that i can do things with belief.
Belief is such a strong thing. i remember back then, we were all fighting. fighting to win the championship, fighting to keep our grades, fighting to keep our heads above water and high and dry. i remember my grades dropping and dropping and....was there any pressure? i do not think i was pressured internally but externally there was a lot of pressure on me to quit canoeing, to give up my dreams. they asked me to reduce my training, to turn more time to studies. i guess that thought never crossed my mind. it was all or nothing. if training was reduced we would never have achieved what we did.
so out of everything, the girlfriend had to go i guess. and i think it was probably the best and boldest decision that i made at that point of time, along with the decision to carry on rowing. one month before the exams, we broke up. cos of pressures, cos we were incompatible, cos of...
they say fortune favours the bold. and in this case, it really does. life was always a game to be played. if u take it too seriously you'd just be a very bitter person. so we all played and in the end, we all won. by some roll of the dice, by some tinge of luck mixed with some regret, we won.
interestingly, only she and me were the only canoeists to go on stage to receive our certificates cos we both got 3 distinctions. i find that amusing because my econs teacher was saying how couples break up just before the a levels and then they self destruct. but then we werent an ordinary couple, were we dear? somehow the mental strength in training passed on to our lives and maybe that helped us some.
i also remember that before jc started i set out a few goals. that i would throw myself into my cca. not necessarily my studies but canoeing was for me an expression of myself. it exemplifies belief and perserverence and dreams coming true. and the dream has come true. it really has. who says you cannot have the best of both worlds? as long as you believe in yourself and the people around you, great things can always happen. and they did.
our guys did good. we really did. the band of brothers. the bunch of slackers. the horny bastards. the lazy layabouts. we came through when it really mattered and in the end, i bet we still didnt know how the hell we did it (but who cares)
i feel that ive come full circle. somehow i feel completed. that i have left a little bit more of the angsty child behind. that the broken child, after the events of sec school, can once again look to the stars. that my demons are finally left to rest. and i can give rj the finger.
heres to our teachers, mr lynn, mr how(e), miss ganga, mr sinclair ang, miss jaime tan, miss michelle wong, miss liao, miss lai and of course, the unforgettable Madam (who lets me sleep in her class)
and to our band of brothers again, for which support i could not ever do without and who opened my mind to another culture and another way of thinking. i have grown because of this.
and yes, to you, yina. for teaching me more about myself than i would like to admit. you probably wouldnt read this but i have a feeling that i will see you again someday. we arent star crossed lovers but we are both firmly on the ground.
never in my dreams would i have expected all As and especially so for econs, which i don't recall passing at all during my time in acjc. maybe this is truly the ac spirit that they were talking about...performing during crunch time, but slacking at all other times haha.
still, as i sat there, i thanked God. and then i wondered why i thanked him. it was almost instinctive, this thanking of him and so remiscient of that time in p6, when the results were being read out and i was again shot into the clouds. its a great feeling, to feel like you were 12 again and knwoing that you still have a future and you dont have to go the long hard way.
how singaporean, to base my happiness on my results but then again it is more than just the results. its the fact that i somehow unknowingly, by serendipity or just plain dumb luck, have triumphed. over my doubts and fears that JC life will just be as screwed up as secondary school life was. that i would always be the loser. i proved to my parents that i am not a loser but i think the most important thing is that i also proved to myself that i am not a loser and that i can do things with belief.
Belief is such a strong thing. i remember back then, we were all fighting. fighting to win the championship, fighting to keep our grades, fighting to keep our heads above water and high and dry. i remember my grades dropping and dropping and....was there any pressure? i do not think i was pressured internally but externally there was a lot of pressure on me to quit canoeing, to give up my dreams. they asked me to reduce my training, to turn more time to studies. i guess that thought never crossed my mind. it was all or nothing. if training was reduced we would never have achieved what we did.
so out of everything, the girlfriend had to go i guess. and i think it was probably the best and boldest decision that i made at that point of time, along with the decision to carry on rowing. one month before the exams, we broke up. cos of pressures, cos we were incompatible, cos of...
they say fortune favours the bold. and in this case, it really does. life was always a game to be played. if u take it too seriously you'd just be a very bitter person. so we all played and in the end, we all won. by some roll of the dice, by some tinge of luck mixed with some regret, we won.
interestingly, only she and me were the only canoeists to go on stage to receive our certificates cos we both got 3 distinctions. i find that amusing because my econs teacher was saying how couples break up just before the a levels and then they self destruct. but then we werent an ordinary couple, were we dear? somehow the mental strength in training passed on to our lives and maybe that helped us some.
i also remember that before jc started i set out a few goals. that i would throw myself into my cca. not necessarily my studies but canoeing was for me an expression of myself. it exemplifies belief and perserverence and dreams coming true. and the dream has come true. it really has. who says you cannot have the best of both worlds? as long as you believe in yourself and the people around you, great things can always happen. and they did.
our guys did good. we really did. the band of brothers. the bunch of slackers. the horny bastards. the lazy layabouts. we came through when it really mattered and in the end, i bet we still didnt know how the hell we did it (but who cares)
i feel that ive come full circle. somehow i feel completed. that i have left a little bit more of the angsty child behind. that the broken child, after the events of sec school, can once again look to the stars. that my demons are finally left to rest. and i can give rj the finger.
heres to our teachers, mr lynn, mr how(e), miss ganga, mr sinclair ang, miss jaime tan, miss michelle wong, miss liao, miss lai and of course, the unforgettable Madam (who lets me sleep in her class)
and to our band of brothers again, for which support i could not ever do without and who opened my mind to another culture and another way of thinking. i have grown because of this.
and yes, to you, yina. for teaching me more about myself than i would like to admit. you probably wouldnt read this but i have a feeling that i will see you again someday. we arent star crossed lovers but we are both firmly on the ground.
posted by tim tay at 12:22 PM
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