sex and shitting

you know, ive realised, not for the first time today, that sexual desires and shitting are actually pretty much the same feeling.

ok, ok, waitaminute. i know what you guys/girls are thinking...tim's off his rocker now/what the faaakk??!!/damn youre one disgusting prick....blah blah insert vulgarity here.

but think about it man. they really are two sides of the same coin.

take sexual desire for one.

say youre in the Hub (this studying area in my school) and you see this damn kickass girl with the legs and the short skirt and the tits and shes spreading em for you....just for you baby.

so what happens? you look at her and your eyes take in the lust like some sexual chocolate melting and oozing into your pupils. your breath quickens and you imagine her beckoning to you. in some dark corner of your fantasy mind she's looked up and seen your lustful gaze. and hell, she thinks youre hot too and you two just wanna fuck like rabbits now.

so you walk right over and take her hand and make for the nearest abandoned classroom (on the 7th story). as the lift goes up, you cant wait and you grab her ass, like a kid grabbing candy and it feels as soft as the softest candy floss on the outside but inside you know its hardcore firm, just like that Snickers Bar you ate for recess.

your mouth locks with her and forms a vaccuum, crazysexycool sucking like you both wanna suck the breath out of one another. whoever breathes first is a rotten egg....your tongue on hers like two liquid slugs making slimy love, pushing and shoving like Japanese men wanting to get off at a train stop.

she tugs at your shirt button and rips off the flimsy material. you stifle a groan and give that bitch a slap. she smiles and slaps you one back. now we're talkin'

lift stops and we both out together as one. barge into classroom and its onto the tabletops baby. what pos first? fuck the muff diving and the blowjob cos thats only for foreplay losers (please note that tim advocates foreplay as a loving form of emotional connection with your partner) and its onto the mish. then maybe a reverse cowgirl backed up by some solid doggy style. she moans, her eyes half closed, her mouth half open as you thrust into her. each thrust punctuated with a hard 'thomp!' of approval as your groin slaps against hers. you gyrate your hips and she grabs your arms and you cant help but bury your face into her hair and grunt as you cum. (im cumming!!!)

ok, thats like premature ejaculation or something. but you get the idea. on to shitting.

youve just eaten fried beef rice and its the oilest muthafucking fried rice uve tasted. and you down it with sliced red chili and a cup of iced milo. potent stuff.

head back to the hub with yer mates and just when ure sitting down to study, it begins. a flutter in your stomach. your heart beat quickens and so does your breathing. you feel your insides churning like its alive. the desire builds and builds until you cant take it anymore and you just have to be released.

march out of the door (play it cool baby, we aint going nowhere) and up, up the never-fucking-ending flight of stairs (cant wait to play baby) and you see the holy grail. the fucking toilet door. push it open and you just cant take it anymore. you just wanna grab a roll of toilet paper and get down and dirty.

insides quivering, tingling. half crazed by excitement, half numb from the sheer though of release, you push open the cubicle door. faaakk! some muthaasshole cant shoot straight (as always). theres pee on the lid and you dunt wanna dirty your virgin ass. so you plunk the toilet paper, hard earned from the roll (you begged for it baby!) onto the seat and you wipe the friggin obscenity off. damn, you need more paper. back to the roll and its desperate now, your insides, they want you to make love to them. they want to make you feel good. they want you to release right now!

you groan and hold your stomach. give it a good slap (just a while longer baby) and it slaps you back. bitch. im gonna show you who's boss you cunt!

rolls in hand. rush to cubicle. bang! the door. fuckfuckfuckfuck. slip open the button, down goes the zip. the underwear, almost torn, roughly done. nicely done.

you thrust your ass onto that seat and fuck it like youve never fucked a toilet bowl seat in your life. ohmigodddd im cccumminnng. you hold your stomach and your breath comes in short gasps. your sweat stained shirt throbbing to your heartbeat. you clench your teeth and feel it sliding out of you. it loves you baby.

so, as you can see, sex is somewhat like shitting. keep this in mind the next time you shit/have sex.

*this piece was written based on a true story of tim sitting in the Hub today with joseph, jianwei, alex and shaun when he needed to go to the bathroom to crap.