have you ever had situations in which you recalled details of your past because you suddenly thought of a song? or a place. or maybe even a particular fruit.

nostalgia is that small ache in the hollow of your tummy. cos you know you cant ever ever go back again. you cant ever ever experience things the same way, talk to the same people the same way anymore. and that hurts. a bit.

quite lately, whenever i turn my zen micro on, ive constantly been sent back through time and i find that i link certain songs to certain periods in my life. take this for example: Eve 6's Here's To the Nights makes me feel like the end of service term, when we all split up and went our seperate ways... and we all didnt want to leave but we all knew we had to.

and i can still remember the night i played that song over the speakers to adrian and nikhil. and how for just one moment we all sat in silence, thinking. now nikhil has disrupted and is reading Medicine. and Adrian, the one with the most drive and potential of us all, has ooc-ed. strained nerve in his hand from Spade. sometimes i also think that life has a way of bringing you back down to earth. we all thought we were invincible.that anything was possible. it still is...but you have to consult Higher HQ before you can carry out what you wanna do.

robbie william's Angels is the song running through my head when i first came into armour. i suppose i needed something, anything, to hold on to. its strange; whenever times are hard, you always mistakenly think that it's never gonna end. but that's not true. if anything else, i've learnt that the one thing that never changes is that all things come to an end eventually. so i guess that is a source of comfort. and its how we carry ourselves during these times that make us who we are.

other songs. like the one that takes me to Lido, with its popcorn smells and energetic bustles and guys in uniform after school looking at girls in uniform after school.

and the one that's halfway between RJ and ACJC. that transition period. i remember it was raining, and we were in the A huts. cuddled up and with lynn teaching and we were cocking around as usual...and the song was playing in my discman.

theres one for canoeing finals, and the last time i ever rowed. and one for beginnings. one for lost loves and one for going out with my family (which always makes me feel a certain way. a bit of boredom, mixed with dread but also tinged with some bits of happiness and gentle resignation.)

i dont go out with my family anymore these days. i wonder where im going.

Boredom's in the back room, shaking out the loose teeth
Sally's in the stirrups, claiming her own destiny
and nobody nowhere understands anything; about me
and all my dreams

lost at sea

-'Stumbleine' The Smashing Pumpkins, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness