my sis

sometimes you see yourself in your younger siblings. the events which are occurring to my sister are almost a mirror image of what i went through.

well, firstly, my sis is in sec one this year, which means shell be in sec 2 come next year. shes in dunman high gep which as everyone knows, sucks. ok, im not gonna mince my words, in my personal opinion (and everybody elses i might add) the gep in dunman high is the "dumping ground" for all the geps who cant make it to nanyang or raffles or acs i gep. (hope somebody from moe doesnt read this). i dunt have a problem with dunman people, infact many of them are friends of mine and theyre all stellar human beings, just that its the programme that sucks, not the people.

so anyway, my sis's grades have been nose diving, in keeping with the family tradition and all she wants to do in her youthful life is play basketball, chill with her mates and play her final fantasy series. yea, pretty much sounds like what i am doing right about now. you know, nobody really gives a shit about studies until they finish JC and realise that theyve might have done much better.

but i digress. the point is, my mom went out of her way to secure an interview and test from St Nick's, which is like, one of the coolest girls schools in singapore. like, for some magical reason, all the girls from there have style, class and are smart. my mom actually wanted to transfer my sis to cedar or anderson but both rejected her appeal. only st nicks went further and accepted her.

but my sis apparently doesnt want to go to st nicks. she wants to stay in dunman cos well, shes used to the slack lifestyle and she has her friends with her there. all very understandable. if at sec one you told me to move from RI to say.....Singapore American School, well, i would be mightily confused. but i would still go.

i can understand the pull of friendship. after all, it wasnt easy leaving after 3 months in rj. but that was cos i was bringing 4 years of friendship along with me. my sis has only one year of friendship and come to think of it, she only has like 4 good friends that she really connects with. so in that aspect, i cant really see why she would want to stay in a losing situation.

dunman high has this IP programme. its something like the through train programme in ri in that they provide for you all the way upto NJC a levels. the problem is you have to keep your grades up to qualify fot it and my sis isnt exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. shes not dumb mind you, shes just fucking lazy, like me.

so basically, her argument is that she will make it for the IP programme and then everything will be peachy and magical. i know its pretty normal for geps to think that they can do everything and some of them can back it up with results but my sister isnt one of them. she doesnt work hard at all and without hard work, you lose.

so heres the situation. shes presented with the oppurtunity of a lifetime, to go to st nicks and get a real good class education and she is choosing to stay in dunman high, where i dunt think she will get as many contacts and where i think her social skills and deportment skills are suffering from contact with her gep friends, most of who are lazy bums and bitches.

(gep is different from mainstream in sec school. if ure a gep and ure reading this, youd understand the screwed up ness of sec school gep and how people ahve attitude problems.)

so it is with some frustration that i am seeing her reject her application and her oppurtunity. i can see why my mom is damn sian diao cos she has to push my sister. its a vicious cycle. sis is lazy and has no ambition. mom has to push her. mom gets frustrated. sis gets frustrated at being pushed and rebels. everyone blames it on the education system for being pressurizing.

but while im frustrated, its still her life and as the saying goes, its her life to screw up in and its her life to excel in. its not like dunman high is in the pits, its a recognized school. just that i think st nicks is better thats all. its like giving up the chance to drive a ferrari to drive a honda civic, but the civic still gets you places, just slower thats all.

and then again, usually when everything seems lost in sec school gep, people around you suddenly have this magical ability to turn things around. it helps being around smart(albiet lazy) people. you get things done faster and more efficiently. how many of us remember failing every single test only to get results where it most mattered? so i guess that is the specialty of geps. i only hope that my sis is special as well.

eve of christmas eve

well, the past two days were a bit crazy. managed to catch a little nap in the afternoon before i got bored and called mok and the ac ppl to go lan. introduced mok to alex who is his fellow white horse company buddy.

following which i went off for muay thai and then after muay thai ended about two hours later i got a message from mok telling me to go zouk for some pageant thingy. apparently there was this JC pageant thing going on. not that i would play 20 bucks to go look at girls that dont really do anything but mok was adamant and so i went home and bathed an took a cab down to orchard to meet them.

the plan was to meet mok jianwei an jonny at the bus stop behind orchard mrt along orchard boulevard but traffic being retarded and also the taxi driver, who tookme behind borders instead which means that im about 200m down the road, which is a one way road mind you, so i got off the cab.

bad mistake cos it was mother impossile to get another cab on busy orhard road. we walked in the general direction of great world city, hoping and praying that our superb sense of direction, coupled with jianwei's insatiable need for alcohol and sex would point us in the correct direction.

eventually, we met a cabby who told us how to walk there (he couldnt drive us cos hes going somewhere else) and we started walking. its a fair way off. and mok was saying that "no matter what happens, we have to get to zouk"

its more than just an outing now, its become a singular obssession that occupied mok's mind (cos he has never been to zouk before)

as luck would have it, a cab pulled over and the driver told us that he had seen us walking "just now". in any case, we arrived at zouk at about 12. we got in at about close to 1 am.

surprise surprise, the pageant was over. we were about 5 hours off cos it apparently started at 800. congrats guys. if this was the army and they asked us to fire at changi, we were firing at tuas instead.

so anywae, went mambo night. met zhafri and howard who are regulars there. that night wa crazy. it was so packed that you couldnt even have elbow room. people kept pushing and shoving and i got damn damn turned off right from the beginning. mok agreed that zouk was a shit place and we both vowed to look for classier places next time. he also couldnt believe that zouk was voted one of the best clubs in the world. well, i guess its mainly cos fires dont happen inside the club here and people here fight less than in other places.

well, we werent gonna let a sea of arseholes ruin our night. went up to phuture where the music was a whole lot better than the 80s nonsense and we danced like spastic jackrabbits. practised footwork and weaving while dancing in line with darren's suggestion to dance at discos more in order to loosen up and gain fluidity. ended up getting horrible hip pain. well, its not exactly the hip joint. its about 2 inches below it and its the muscle that connects your hip to your leg. it hurt cos i got whacked there during muay thai and also, you use it intensively to kick during muay thai.

apprently, dancing at mambo night in zouk also aggravates it, especially if ure a spastic jackrabbit.

some songs were good, others were damn turn off. i found to my amusement that they played one song which we fought to. but i dunno the title. if u were part of that crazy night and you know the title, pls tell me so i can d/l the song. it goes like this da-da-da-da-da-da-daaaa. yea, like i bet you know exactly what song im talking about.

ate supper at 4, crashed at jianweis house till the next day which gave me about 3 hours of sleep. the funny part was that i woke up at about 945 in his house. jianwei was supposed to go hongkong with his family and so i overheard his mother saying "jianwei, go tell your friend nicely but firmly that he has to go now."

upon hearing that, i grabbed my socks and started to chiong out of the house. then his father walked into view and i gave a weak, stoned out smile and said "hi uncle". he gave me a what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-in-my-house look and walked away. so yea, humchee....run like the wind.

well, at least im not a girl. that would be worse right?

and so, with 3 hours sleep and a naggy hip on my side, mok calls me and tells me that theres field soccer and theyre short of people. i thought he was crazy. we slept like 3 hours, mok slept less cos he had to go to the temple to pray and he elft jianweis house at 615am.

but u cannot abandon your mates so i grabbed my gear and we cabbed down to sembawang to do battle.

we were playing some mat team which had the U17 national striker on their side. he was playing defence for them until the second half so we werent getting raped too badly in the first half, only 3-1 down.

interestingly enough, we were the ones to score first and it was a series of errors that allowed them to plump 3 past us. one handball penalty which was unavoidable. one was cos our defender was sleeping and he didnt know the game had restarted (yes im serious, hes that blur) and the last one was cos our goalkey kicked to the opposition, who layed off and this mat struck the sweetest half volley i ever saw in my entire life and it went top corner. sheer class and the best goal of the game no doubt.

in any case, the referee was a mat as well and hes damn funny. before the game he lined the two teams up and said "ok, i know you guys are chinese and we are malay, but please no racial things ok? this is a friendly match"

haha like wth la, say until like that. we laughed like shit.
the referee also scolds his own mat players and tells them not to complain as well. then he said marcus ow was a "bulldozer".

marcus is bloody funny. hes a nice fat bastard and that makes for lots of laughs. for a fat guy hes surpriingly fast and has good ball sense. he also complains the most out of anyone.

being our team's striker, he constantly insists that he is onside.

there was once where the ref blew for offside, marcus shouted "im on la!" then proceeded to round the keeper to no avail haha.

then he missed like 4 chances to score cos he used his left leg instead of his right haha but those missed chances were damn funny cos he was like 5 metres out and he balloons them over.

physically, we were lots better than the mats. we sprint faster and we run a lot more, which also says a lot about our skill in keeping the ball (none).

i guess that was the only thing keeping us in the game. the mats eventually played their pro striker and he is crazy man. once he gets the ball, he shoots and its on target. hes damn hard to mark cos he releases the ball so fast and accurately and if he doesnt, he shoots.
there was ocne where he received the ball like 30 metres out. trapped it and volleyed it in a very high lob/loop. it went in and we were all damn stunned. im seriously damn honoured to play against him cos he really opened my eyes as to how to play field soccer.

that could have been a premiership class goal, as could the half volley.

anyway, the eventual score was 6-4. we keep scoring one, then conceding one. kinda frustrating especially since we had a wealth of chances to score. lots of one on ones but our strikers just kept the ball for too long. we even hit the post once. sian man.

but still, a right good match and i was surprised that i could even last 90 minutes in the hot sun. if this continues, i will be as fit as when i was in canoeing again.

mok got hit by a ball in the ear and now he cant hear properly in that ear. hope hes all right and not like a burst ear drum a la augustine.

the field was damn shit.ok so we didnt pay for it but still, its a health hazard. its sandy in some areas. very grassy in others (as in grass up to your shins and prickly) clayey in some areas and there are mud patches in other areas. i bet if we look hard enough, wed find snow as well.

the ball bounces damn bloody high and has this annoying tendency to loop over our players. and when u run into the mud patch, all sense of balance is lost.

needless to say, after this intense piece of shit, i couldnt walk properly home either. its better today, hopefully with more rest it will heal fully. but yesterday was crazy man, i couldnt even raise my leg or squat down or walk properly. and cos of the sand in my boot, i now have a healthy piece of skin missing from the front of my toe.

meanwhile, im looking forwards to sunday's game with ben's church.

both junyuan and me agreed that astro soccer now hold little appeal for us cos its so unrealistic and....its very pussified. seriously, once you start playing field soccer you wont want to play other versions (with exception of beach soccer which is mroe hardcore)

in the meantime, merry christmas to everyone who is bothering to read this uninteresting entry. and have a happy new year before we all go into shitty tekong.

waterloo sunset

seems like nowadays its a different ballgame. i cant help but get the feeling that everyone around me is slowly but surely getting into the money game. people are working for money. people are talking about money and power and well all that is well and good but somehow i dunt feel the same way or share any of their youthful exuberance when it comes to money.

i mean, sure, money is needed in this world and we should all be comfortable with it. but somehow.....its like people are engrossed with attaining it to the exclusion of everything else. power and money. money and power. to have loads of cash means you can afford the house of your dreams, the car of your dreams, the girl of your dreams. having loads of cash is always fun i guess, who wouldnt want to have loads of cash? i would.

its almost like playing one-up except that its on a larger scale and the stakes are higher. and somehow something inside me is already tiring of this endless race for making more and more cash to buy more and more stuff.

i went out with a girl last week and she told me that she would never consider marrying a guy who earns less than her cos she wouldnt have the necessary respect for him. well, if this represents the average singaporean girl than id say that they should marry the rich ang mohs that come here and that local guys should start buying brides from china or vietnam (which they are already doing haha). we might even be in trouble haha

seems like love is becoming an equation rather than an...emotion? ironic since the girl herself was talking about how emotions and feelings are important in a relationship and how she needed to have "chemistry". so i guess that means that love is something that has requirements but is also something that is equally boundless and abstract as it is then.

i wish i had loads of cash so that i can stop worrying about small, seemingly insignificant things such as car, house blah blah. i know you feel the same way as well. but, its all a lie, isnt it? and isnt life all a game? the girl was offended when i told her that life is all a game. in fact, i insisted on it.

much as people like to believe that they are in control of the situation and that they are calm and rational people. that they have a future and they are going to continue raking in big bucks or whatever they are doing, one day life is going to give them a right good shot up in the ass.

in fact, this doesnt just happen to people who are consumed by their pursuit of power. it happens to everybody. the point is this: life is a gamble. it rolls a dice all of its own and some people seek solace in religion cos it is a great stabilizing factor but i think that the fact remains, no matter how secure you may feel, its totally random all around you.

people have a problem with randomness. it unsettles them. hell, it unsettles me. god does not play dice with the universe eh? everytime i see someone make a statement that he is in control of everything and everything is smooth sailing, i laugh to myself and think that person is mightily insecure for stating this to the whole wide world.

why state your achievements? i think that you should be proud of them yourself, but humble in front of other people. what is the point? to fuel your own ego? to show the whole world that you are great? yea, maybe you are great in your own right, but still.....that is so american-trash-talk like (sorry im a bit racist) Americans (or at least those i see on the telly) feel a need to reaffirm to themselves and the whole world that they are great. just watch any episode of Fear Factor or Survivor and you will know exactly what i mean. the participants constantly state that they are the best and they will win everyone and marmalade them.

ok, maybe i should be more culturally sensitive here. like maybe confidence to them is being an arrogant asshole to me. after all, i am chinese and im supposed to be filled with filial piety, hardworking ethics and unshakeable belief in the Confucian system.

i used to have a problem with uncertainty. i still do sometimes but it helps when i remind myself that it is all a game. does this sound mightily flippant to you? its not, its deadly serious, yet everyone i tell this to doesnt get it. everyone i tell this to thinks im mad and risky.

how mad and risky can someone get by acknowledging the fact that randomness is a part of life? that it is life. to do so otherwise would be foolhardy and setting yourself up for severe shocks to the system.

"how could this happen?"

"oh, fuck"

i bet you are a bit confused as to the real issue of the post. it really is two issues, although both are related. one has to do with randomness and the fact that life is a gamble. the other has to do with my disdain for power and money, yet the fact that i am beholden to it irks me to no end. the fact that if i wash out and i somehow do not make uni and get a degree, that i will be relegated to the have-nots in society (screw whatever potential or big word they use to describe kids in school) irks me to no end.

the fact that although there are other alternatives to uni, such as striking out and doing your own business and getting rich doesnt make the situation any better cos they also involve working for and the pursuit of money, which if you recall is also one of my pet peeves.(although i have a friend who considers it a game as well, in which case, fair play to him and i hope he succeeds)

life's a gamble, so which way do i roll the dice? do i go for money and power? i suppose i could make it if i work balls to the walls. sheer determination does pay off.

or i could roll the opposite way, the way of my dreams. the way which opens up untold hardship and the fact that i may never ever return to Singapore or see my family and kids grow up. sounds extreme right? but if you have little savings by the time you are 40, dont think of retiring and living in Singapore, which by then would boast an extremely high standard of living.

and yes, though i hope to pass through the world, cataloguing, indulging, learning about it all. the feeling of uncertainty still pervades. im damn bloody paranoid about getting shot and killed by racist skinheads, for some reason. also, the fact that i will be a second class citizen or maybe even third class or outcast member of society also enters my mind.

questions like how will i survive (not live, mind you) and of course, the eternal question.....Is It Worth It? and What Is The Point Of Screwing Yourself?

people call me masochistic but what they fail to realise is that everything is but a matter of perspective. they see things from their angle and i see things from mine. we cannot change each others' perspective, not without a lot of friction and unhappiness. the trick, ive learnt, is to understand and accept the perspective. its a bit like window shopping. sometimes you see a good that looks really good but on closer glance has flaws. sometimes you see an ugly good but its very useful. but in the end, it is up to you to go back home and get the cash to buy it.

from my perspective, this is what i see. i see that i am some one who knows much too little for his own good. i see someone who is weak and who is inexperienced. i crave, if that word can be used, for knowledge and guidance and frankly speaking, i will do whatever it takes to get it.

by staying here and pursuing the rat race, i am letting myself fall into a trap that is older than mankind. i feel that i am falling into a situation where an endless cycle prevails, that of societal conformity and societal conformity bringing acceptance and well-being.

i am NOT saying that this is all bad and you should not strive for it. please dont come and blast me by saying im naive and that human beings are social creatures blah blah. i know this already. but from young, there is a prevailing sense that i have always been on the fringes of society, looking in. its almost as if i am an observer travelling through time and society.

that desire in me has only grown stronger as i grow older. i do cherish my friends very very much and i do hope we continue to keep in touch. what is more enrichiing than good talk over a cup of coffee or beer late into the nights. that is a future i hope to realise with all of you. that i can bring back stories to share and you too, can tell me your stories and maybe we will all feel a little bit better, a little bit more secure about the future.

even though it is a sort of illusion, feeling secure about the future, it is still worth it, isnt it? i truly believe in the saying that ignorance is bliss. i cannot imagine a time that i was happier than when i was a child. i think you might feel the same way too.

and in the end, before i die, i hope to remember everything. because, i really am a traveller through life, as are you. that is our triumph and that is our tragedy, as Gaimen would put it. what makes life so sweet is cos of its finite nature. for all our philosophical ramblings and inane talk, we are all travellers in an airport.

if i met you, then we must have met in the traveller's lounge. sometimes we part and maybe you fly off to zimbabwe and i go to paris. our routes diverge and connect, again and again. sometimes routes never connect ever again and then i have lost a friend but not the memory.

if you or i walk out of the airport, then we are never seen again and yet the airport continues, with its bustling activity and its constantly glaring lights.

we meet many people along the way. some are travelling the same way as us and we welcome them. some go in opposite directions. "i hear that india is a great place to holiday!" "oh heavens no! theres a bloody civil war going on there!"

its funny, cos those going in opposite directions still go even after they tell each other their opinions.

when you look out of the windows of the airport, what do you see?

some see planes being refueled on the ground. they see baggage being tossed and lugged around. they smell the acrid scent of airplane fuel and the anti-bacterial wipes.

but others, when they look out the window, they see planes taking off, soaring into the night sky.

where do you want to go today?

ocean's twelve

went to catch ocean's twelve yesterday with the 4Q peeps. well, at least a few of them, kaicheng, KO and elgin. i must say this is one good film. the plot is very well developed and if you are a fan of convoluted plots that at first glance dont make any sense but on further thought makes perfect sense, then youll love this one.

grifting is truly an art form to behold and the way these professional thieves play out the game at such high stakes is mind boggling. the way their minds think, they way they work so well together...everything fits in seamlessly. there were points in time where we didnt even know what the hell happened but after some minutes of hard thinking, the ingenuity of the whole plan strikes you and you think .... WHAT THE FUCK???!!! that was great!

granted, there are a few loopholes, like how ocean's twelve always seem to have endless supplies of resources and how they always manage to procure high tech bits of gadgetry at a moment's notice. but i guess its all about connections in the world of professional thievery and the fact that they had robbed like 170 million bucks in ocean's eleven a few years back.

the acting as usual is spot on with so many stars in the cast, how can it not be? my personal favourite must be matt damon's character. hes goofy and seems slow witted but at the same time, you find out later that hes actually as smart as the rest of them but i wont say how it plays out.

lots of comic moments add to the overall feeling that this is one masterpiece. the effortless implementation of their plans and the fact that the twelve never seem to be down and out also reinforces the notion that they are truly untouchable and at the peak of their art. there is something wonderful about the grift. it is an act of creation. the grifter is an artist, a creator, an actor, a director, a psychologist, a psychic, an inventor, an engineer and your best friend all at the same time. to be able to portray such subtlety of emotion is not beyond characters like clooney and pitt.

inspired by the movie, i went back home to research scams and grifts. maybe youd like to check out the Ponzi scams as well as the more contemporary internet scams. from the pigeon drop grift to the simple but cunning grift of mailing a free parcel.

christmas seems to be a great time for movies. there's Constantine coming up. some graphic novel character spanning series such as the Sandman, Hellblazer and Books of Magic. in the movie, hes on some crusade against the devil and god or something like that. keanu reeves is playing him and it seems laden with special effects. evil has never seemed so cool when it can suck you through an entire building.(ooops spoiler)

another movie that seems rather interesting is A Series Of Unfortunate Events. its one of those quirky, Tim Burton kinda masterpieces. i dont think burton wrote it but it sure bears his hallmarks. its a dark story not unlike cinderella and one of the things which makes it watchable is probably Jim carrey, who plays 3 different characters. watch out for carrey's new depth in acting. apparently, hes more of a serious actor now, coming away from his Mask and Ace Ventura escapades so its interesting to see how he has matured and grown since then. the trailer promises an ending that is Not Happy at all. in fact, it warns of it haha. so much so that i dunt know what to expect from it. delicious.

and then there is the timeless Phantom of the Opera. er, im not really into these theatre adaptations but ive never read the story, neither have i seen the play so i guess from a literary point of view it could interest me. looks the least exciting of the three to me i guess.

merry christmas guys. start saving to watch movies.

had a rather refreshing talk with elgin over dinner after the movie. somehow, my feeling of depression lifted after that day and i feel much better since. thanks guys for watching that movie with me. somehow, something inside me stirred again which was a bit restrained for the last few days and its time to start living and dreaming again.

funny isnt it, how good friends can spark that off inside you again. i dont think any of them noticed or realised the impact that they had on me but yea, very often it only takes a small effort to get someone out of depression. i guess what i was craving was some heart to heart talking and some bonding intellectually. so hard to find that nowadays with everyone being so busy and suchlike.

the thing about ocean's twelve that really accentuated the feeling of friendship is how the twelve of them are so together. theyre the best of friends and they would never sell each other out. they stick by each other and well, if there is a moral, it is that if you stick with your friends, at the end of the day everybody gets rewarded in their own way.

elgin tol d me that the best friends that he would probably ever make would be his secondary schools friends. somehow i find that statement pretty true, not to say that i havent made great friends in JC as well, but yea, secondary school friends will always occupy that special place in my heart.

cos after all, we all learnt to dream together back in that dusty, non air conditined classroom; we all learned to dance on the astro, and we all learned to believe from our teachers.

my dad

i think as you get older, you tend to see yourself in your parents. its like you are unconsciously playing out the same game that they once did and try as you might, you just cant stop it. true, you might have a totally different character and totally different outlook to life, but its uncanny how the decisions they make and feelings you have are so much of a similar nature.

i see my mother in myself and i see my dad in myself too. im sure you do as well. in some ways its pretty interesting cos my parents are such contrasting figures. my dad is a loner, my mom is a social person. my mom is a perfectionist, my dad is very happy go lucky. yes, i am both, as close friends of mine would know my slack streak and my perfectionistic streak, both of which are oxymoronic in nature when placed together.

its funny. i came home today at around 1030pm, after my muay thai class and i went to bathe. after which i went into my parents room to say hi to my mom (for some reason its some ritual of mine, saying hi to my mother when i get home). well, apparently she wasnt home and only my dad was at home alone. my sis went for a stayover or something.

my dad has no friends. i say this with conviction because he never ever goes out with anyone except my family. he doesnt really make an effort to contact his brothers or sisters either, only seeing them at family reunions and stuff like that. its a ....well....i dunno, its strange cos i feel sad for him. should i? i dont exactly have the right to feel sorry for him but i think that if i was in the same position, i would feel bloody sad. its strange, cos i hardly talk to him. my sis hardly talks to him as well. its like....hes in the house but i never really knew him as a person.

i mean, when ure younger and you have school and friends, you dont really think about stuff like this. i mean sure, ure aware of it, but you dont do anything about it cos .... youre just lazy. or even worse, you dont care. is it like some older generation thing? where dads and their kids dont talk and they just bring back the bacon? it feels very empty, like there never was any father figure in my life. its like, all my life, ive had to learn things by trial and error. usually more error and error again and again until it gets drilled into my head.

people say im risky and that i have a high risk tolerance. i have to, there is no other choice. what other way can a person possibly learn then by screwing up time and again and learning the hard way. roll with the punches eh? but sometimes its a little too painful, just a little too painful and you wonder why why why doesnt some father or some father figure come along and tell you what you have to do. and guide you, for god's sake cos you just so so tired of screwing up again and again. its like its drains you and you get sucked dry no matter how optimistic you try to be theres always one punch you didnt see coming and you just cant roll with it.

if i had kids, i would teach them how to live properly. but again, its hard isnt it? how do you teach your kids when the best teacher is life itself. you gotta let them get hurt right? so theyll come back stronger and all that bullshit they feed you in the movies.

i bet you feel the same way too. somewhere, somehow, you just needed a little bit of guidance. i dunno, it might be for the simplest things you know....like how do you talk to someone you just met. or how do you treat a girl? or stuff like making someone feel wanted and part of the group, or what do you do on a date? how do you find balance in a relationship?

or it might be about the difficult things as well. like should you always pursue your dreams to the exclusion of everything else? why would you wanna get married? how do you stay humble, loyal and retain your integrity in a shitty world?

you know, stuff like that that nobody ever really talks about cos everyone thinks everyone should know what to do but really nobody has the clearest, faintest idea what to really do. sometimes you wish it was like the movies and you are the young whatever with a sensei or whatever guiding you and moulding you. like obi wan kenobi or james bond or whatever macho hero catches your fancy.

its like, they always seemed to know what to do all the time, which is why i think that good teachers are so hard to find cos teaching isnt baout giving them the knowledge but also imparting wisdom as well. you arent really a teacher unless youve changed and touched people's lives and theyve changed or opened themselves up cos of you. if it were that easy, everyone could become a teacher. hell, even i could become a teacher.

hanging by a thread
with gossamer gentle; light
but heavy inside

the strongest gales cannot
unpick its strings
but a single stab of a branch
is enough to rend asunder

still, look!
the spider weaves again
it is no more sad than the raindrop that falls off a leaf
nor the tree whose
shadow runs away at night

depression

we were talking about the subject of depression in church today and its strange how people get so affected by it. just by mentioning the topic, normally cheery ppl started becoming silent and sullen.

apparently, more people get depressed during the festive season (merry christmas) than at any other period of time during the year. so whats the story? some said its cos these ppl dont have families and friends and thats why during the fetive period, they feel it all the more and get jealous of the ppl around them who are so happy its frustrating.

another reason that was raised was cos these people dont have the means to celebrate the festive season. so they feel left out.

i personally think that people have an innate need to be fulfilled in their lives so when it comes to the festive period and they have a bit of time to reflect on their lives, they find it awfully meaningless and thus fall into depression. if ppl had noble causes or worked for a cause, they would be less depressed than they would normally be.

the cumulative effect of the holidays could also be part of the depression. like, you would normally be already depressed, but during the festive period you feel even mroe depressed cos of the positive energy around you. this is kinda true cos being around immensely postive and happy people makes me sick. its like, theyre so bubbly its almost unreal. how can anyone be so happy? its almost like a front, but you cant really say that cos they might actually believe it themselves.

so anyway, to cut things short, the group leader provided us with words of wisdom. we all know human beings are social creatures. very often, people are let down by other people. if u think about it, when was the last time that you were depressed and it wasnt because somebody screwed up on you? its all in the relational aspect of humanity and i guess thats why zen monks are permanently happy cos they dunt give a shit about the rest of the world. asceticism has its perks i guess, along with not worrying about where the next lay is going to come from.

i just thought that the relational aspect was pretty intriguing. its like, there but you dont really see it and you dont realise it until someone points it out to you. hmm, which also brings to mind the reason why i have little trust in human nature for so many years. theres just too many imperfections for it to be anything else other than a big screwup, myself included.

i think it gets even worse when ure working cos ppl act according to their own self benefit. like some warped version of Hard Times and utilitarianism or something like that and that is seriously damn sian diao.

was talking to mok today after gym and he was saying something like our lives have become more open and complicated nowadays. i kinda agree. you goto uni, you come out, get a job or run your own business. you have kids, you die. such is life. how sian. just thinking about it makes me sian. its not like im jaded or anything cos i do see the beauty in parts of life but....it just makes me very very tired. especially the dying part. its seems to negate every aspect of your life, every single useful (you thought) thing that youve done in your life.

now now, not all is gloom and doom. i suppose if we all found a cause to dedicate ourselves to we would be really joyful. and i suppose the trick is to get to the stage where death is no longer a thing to be feared but to be embraced. until then, keep on walking, as johnnie walker is so fond of saying. life's a journey, we'll help you pack (samsonite or deuter?)

and of course, keep the faith (some pastor)

fight club

you know, every once in a while, you get epiphanies. every once in a while, you realise something more about life than you thought possible. its my pleasure to continue training in mixed martial arts cos the past two classes have brought up many epiphanies, all thanks to this guy in my muay thai and grappling class named Gallen.

see, even he has a cool, knight in shining armour name. ok, lets stop being gay. Gallen is from the states. i am a bit unsure of his past, whether he is a singaporean now living in the states, or he is an american chinese with singaporean roots. in any case, gallen will be gone in about a months time to china cos he runs his own business. if my hearing and slang deciphering equipment served me well, i think gallen is also the son of some minister here, which also complicates matters.

needless to say, all you need to know is that gallen is an absolute gentleman and he and his lovely wife go to darren's dojo and yes, they do fight each other. (hows that for marital problem solving)

i met him last week during grappling class. prior to this, i saw his photo on darren's wall with the caption "thai sex boys" over it, so i assumed he was one of the sinewy muay thai instructors that help out here. but yea, he sorta clarified with me on that one.

incidentally, gallen is also a (relatively) good muay thai striker. he lives for the fight, literally. hes like an excited kid whenever he fights. when he takes me down, hes smiling like a maniac. but the main thing about gallen is that he is absolutely helpful and informative. he goes the extra mile to make sure u get the moves and teaches you new stuff. like ive learnt the muay thai elbows, hooks, uppercuts and slightly more advanced footwork from him. (now to go and practise like a madman)

he actually stayed back with me like 45 minutes after class to work out these things. he says its cos he likes my "gung ho style" and the fact that im "earnest".

"youre very powerful for a small guy. very fast. you could be a good fighter." (say this with an american-chinese slang)

so yea, i guess im hooked again. there is life after canoeing after all. i never thought i would look forwards to dedicating myself to another sport in which i can probably learn a lot more about.

ok, so far, no epiphanies yet. wait la.

the thing that struck me when i was going back home on the mrt was this:
darren's extending his classes by half an hour. thats a 50% increase at no extra cost. hes doing this cos apparently the fight team lost out cos of not enough practise on takedowns during the recent tourney. its not about the money in this system. and even though people dont really talk and arent that chatty, there is a sense of togetherness especially when you look at the fighters who fight in tourneys. they all know each other and theres respect going on here.

gallen:"i once fought this guy whose arms were twice my size (his are about 1.5 times mine) and he was much taller than me. (gallen is about 1.8, give or take 2 cm) *laughs* wow, we fought all right, but after that we hugged each other and said 'good fight!'"

gallen:"no other sport is as exciting as this. you see two advanced fighters going full force at each other. that is very exciting. very very exciting."

gallen:"if youre fighting me, and we both look at each other in the eyes. thats scary. *laughs* its very exciting.*laughs again*"

gallen:*referring to my slack guard* "dont worry, when you get hit, youll learn. i did."

ok, look, maybe the way i put it makes gallen sound like a retard but you get the gist of it. and hes no retard. hes got the scars to prove it. his chest has been broken before. he once made the mistake of looking down when he was fighting. he got a knee to the face which shattered his nose bridge. theres a bump there now, slightly more brownish than the rest of his face tone. if you have ever seen a muay thai knee, you would know how vicious and brutal and punishing it is. it can drop a horse.

but even after all this brutality, fighters still stand up, laugh and pat each other on the back (after returning from hospital).

its strange behaviour isnt it? if you are on the outside looking in, youd think all of us were retards and crazy idiots who place their bodies on the line for nothing tangible. my whole left arm is bruised from blocking shots to my head today. better my arm than my cranium anyday.

there is a certain purity to a fight. have you ever fought a friend? or even a stranger. no, i dont mean street fights, those are lose-lose situations and those are life or death situations. a lot of ppl lump them together with fightsport but the reality is vastly different. dont ever get into a street fight. its a matter of who loses more and nothing else.

going back to the question. have you ever willingly fought a friend? you know, hes your best mate, you both put on gloves and you step up toe to toe and slug it out. its a different feeling. youre scared. of course you are. hes gonna bloody fucking kill you. and you know what? youre gonna do exactly the same thing to him. its scary, isnt it? now who do you feel more scared for?

the adrenaline kicks in somewhere in between and you go into a primal state but its balanced by a higher order form of thought because the best fighters use their brains. its a mighty tricky, keeping the primal aggression, tempering it, moulding it to your whim. it allows you to take the punishment and it blanks out just about everything else. for a few moments in time, its just you and your very best friend.

you need the higher order thought processes as well. when ure tired, and you will get fucking tired more fucking fast than you ever realised, its gotta kick in. efficiency, gotta keep the guards, read him, footwork, defence, offence, strategy. its like playing chess but its harder cos any mistake gets you punished. im pretty lucky. i havent taken a full force punch yet. ill try my best not to. but eventually i will, someday, and then it still has to carry on, gotta keep functioning, keep moving, keep staying alive.

its all a game, isnt it? yea, a game of life i guess.

can you see the purity of the sport? maybe yes, maybe no. just imagine: what could be purer than a sport that defines you. its about character, it really is. you cannot be a weak character in the ring. and its not about winning your opponent. thats so american-trash talk. some can win even by losing. if you dont understand that, you dont understand anything about this sport.

i really hope i become stronger, in character and skill, not strength and speed an stamina or whatever nonsense that goes away when youre 40 plus years old. you want the important things. you want them to serve you all your life. keep on fighting cos life is one big fight after all. somehow, by getting it on in the ring, you just might be better prepared for more shit the world throws at you. maybe.

the learning curve here is steep. there is no other way. the best way to learn is to get hit. im serious. if ure an idiot (like me), once u get hit, you become magically smarter. its a tried and proven formula for dummies.

epiphanies. haha, the purity. all these are mere words. if you want the purity, you hafta work for it. you have to sweat and bleed (literally) for it.

you be crazy you know. but yea, youve got a bunch of crazy purists on your side.

what could be worse?

compromises

well, today marked my prom and i guess it was ok, didnt turn out as well as we had hoped cos of well...a few factors relating to the band and the lack of atmosphere. i guess prom was nice but kinda boring, but yea, managed to get photos of my time in acjc (realised i have none as of this point) and my autograph book signed by important people to me so i guess it was worth it.

then it was off to zouk to break my virgin clubbing cherry. you know what ive always said but not ever going to clubs cos i think the place is damn shitty and you cant really have fun? but tonight is prom night man, the night where everything goes crazy. so i went to zouk. and i ....well, lets just say its not up my alley at all. felt like a fish out of water and in boiling hot oil in a stir fry pan.

firstly, lets just say that in singaporean clubs, the girls are kinda picky. yea well, im not that good looking, neither am i that tall or well known so its pretty hard to get people to dance with. ended up dancing with my class girls which is like dancing with your sister haha. think i freaked out one of my classmates cos i held her waists. i mean, if u dunno howto dance and you need ppl to show you, the most natural thing is to hold their waists right? haha guess im quite new to this whole thing. apologies to her if she felt like....violated or something i dunno.

so most of the time, i ended up dancing with guys, which is all well and good and fun but it gets kinda sian after a very long time, like say 1 hour of dancing with the person of the same sex, unless youre a homo i doubt ud get lots out of it.

it might be different for the girls but for the guys i can say that a large part of clubbing is to do with....well, the fulfillment of sexual desires. ok, im gonna get lots of flak for saying this but yea, what else does a guy go to a club for? to drink? they can do that in their own house with their mates and over a soccer game. to dance? i mean theyve gotta dance for someone right?

maybe another part of the whole letdown was that i envisioned zouk in my minds eye to be a classy, dimly lit place with rNb sounds and people chilling out and talking. instead, it turned out to be a dimly lit place with majorly loud sounds and thumping beats that will either turn you on or give you a major headache. you cant hear yourself speaka dn you have to shout like all the time, which is hell on your throat. there was ringing in my ears after the music stopped and hell on my throats. nicely done.

also, for some reason my libido went off on holiday. so many hot girls around me but i just wasnt turned on. must be the cigarette smoke working on my system. not very resistant to that yet, but i guess NS will prove a vital training ground. also, i think there must be a certain art to sliming people but i havent foun out what that is yet. you must be of a certain bastard calibre to slime properly and im afraid i respect girls too much, to my detriment, and was unable to derive any male-testosterone fuelled pleasure from this activity.

its like, i was with my friend and he grabbed like 14 asses (yes we were counting) and the funny part was that since his back was towards the girls, they all ended up thinking it was me. so i was a bit amused and a bit embarassed. but yea, i think they also knew stuff like this would happen la. i also think i have a very dead and sian like gaze. its like the moral equivalent of the evil eye or something cos when i look at someone they will be inevitably forced to look away. its happened like this all my life. i suppose my gaze is a little intense so i look like im gonna beat someone up or something. rest assured thats not the case.

heh, but not all is gloom and doom. managed to dance with a girl i fancied and she was well, ambivalent haha. i mean, she was ok with the physical contact and all but i kinda got the feeling that she would rather be somewhere else. i blame it on my lack of rhythm and lack of know how in terms of proper...progression? hmm yea but she still made my day cos shes the most polite person ive danced with . how many girls would dance with you for like about 30 minutes without saying you suck or just moving off somewhere. yea well, you gotta take some light from whatever darkness surrounds u in the club haha.

all in all an enriching experience. hmm, ive always wondered what it would be like. now that i have gone, well, lets just say that i wunt be going back that soon haha, will stick to soccer and mma like im used to, unless of course theres another compelling reason.

yea, i guess there will be one when NS comes along.

polaroid pictures

church was kinda interesting today cos i had to take a bunch of kids and sell some tickets for my church's christmas carnival.

i didnt exactly volunteer for this cos well, im crap with kids and i hate selling people stuff cos i hate people who try to sell stuff to me. but somehow i ended up tagging along as a "big brother supervisor" kinda person.

the game plan was that we'd go up floor by floor and the kids would give their most winsome smile and hopefully melt the hardassed muthafuckers into parting with their money. then i would come in at just the right moment and aid the parting process.

well, my group of battle hardened veterans was made up of three primary one pupils. a girl called Dana, and two guys, wee kiat and Joseph. i think girls really do mature faster than guys cos dana was the one who kept them in control (not me). she kept telling them to stop fooling around "or else people will think we are playing and they wont buy from us".

sensible indeed.

in any case, we failed spectecularly because we managed to sell a grand total of 0 tickets. yes, its not even funny. most people arent home, or pretend not to be home on Sundays. a few tried to bullshit and said theyve already bought tickets but we know better, dont we?

in desperation, i even tried to sell tickets to an Indian-Muslim family. the kids were pretty interested i could tell, but the father wasn't very amused. i can safely say that i experienced a few drops of fear when knocking on their door. they practically owned the whole floor (cos relatives blah blah were living together) and nobody would miss 4 young bodies.

even dana got exasperated. imagine, a primary one girl getting exasperated with a JC 2 guy who's just left school.

"we havent even sold ONE ticket yet!"

yes dana i know that.

that was accompanied with a disdainful look away from me as she turned her head in mockery. kids are so cute.

the only other girl who gives me disdainful looks is yina so i was half surprised, half amused, half sheepish cos well, the tickets refused to be sold.

in any case, im crap with kids so i generally let them do whatever they want. these were pretty good cos they gave good suggestions like going up to higher floors to sell tickets. for some reason, they reasoned that people who lived on lower floors have less money and so were less willing to buy. maybe it has something to do with the fresh air as well.

dana: "what will happen if we cannot sell all the tickets?" (for some reason this reminded me of the singaporean education system. theres always a penalty if u cant do anything)

me:"er...well, i dunno, maybe we'll be crucified or something."

i hope she got the humour. her face remained pretty straight though.

and also, the kids were quite afraid to talk to the parents or other kids, so i ended up doing all the talking. this is quite bad cos i cant speak chinese and so we lost out on that account. from an educational standpoint, this was also quite bad cos i mean, youve gotta develop interpersonal skills on trips like these. i notice a lot of kids are shy or apprehensive towards meeting strangers. maybe its in our culture. we teach our kids to be wary of strangers in a country which has the lowest kidnapping rate in the entire world.

in any case, all disdainfulness was thrown away once we went down to the play ground (meeting point). as i watched them play, i cant help but wonder what challenges will face them later in life. innocence is so hard to preserve in a day and age like this one. some say we live in the age of Kali, the age of destruction. an innocent corrupted is perhaps the most unforgivable sin ever.

dana can see ghosts. i know this cos her mom told me last time but i didnt ask her about it. it would be interesting to know how they look like and compare it to my own experiences but somehow i didnt ask her. maybe next time.

the children playing in the playground. if you could take a snapshot, a polaroid picture of innocence, perhaps this would be it. a girl turns cartwheels on the floor. they fiddle with wheels on the structure and run down the slide. they catch each other and laugh.

if you could take a polaroid picture....well, after some time the picture fades right? Right?

as we trudged back to church, it started to drizzle just a little bit. you see the line of children, row by row, holding hands walking back. the rain frames them.

in the end, i guess they made my day in a special way. its always nice to get away from the world every once in a while and touch some purity again. children are naturally friendly, children are naturally good hearted. they dunt judge as much as we do and when they do its usually cos they can differentiate good from evil.

heh.

*snap*

get it before it fades.

grappling

well, today was my first grappling class and its pretty different from muay thai. like muay thai is more of explosive power and grappling, as of now, is more of technical ability.

was damn blur as usual cos its my first lesson so i really didnt know what to do. learnt a few takedowns an locks and holds.

and then came rolling. which is like you start on your knees facing your friend and then you both try to take each other to the ground and submit each other.

was pretty furstrating for me cos i didnt know nuts and people werent really very helpful but i guess the main focus of rolling is to get the natural feel of leverage and all that. besides, nothing teaches better than being owned.

so basically, my grappling class today was pretty small. like only 4 people kinda thing. one skinny guy, one normal sized guy an one big sized mat.

so we took turns rolling with each other. being a greenhorn, i used force as opposed to skill and there was one notable moment when i was wrestling the skinny guy when he moved on top of me and he was actually holding my neck rather loosely. so i bridged and benchpressed him off me and he sorta flew off cos hes so light.

haha than darren looked at me in shock and said "dont do that! if he held tighter your neck could have snapped." oh yea, guess i almost screwed myself eh?

but really, grappling rewards brains and skill , not strength and so i was throughly owned by the mat, who is slightly taller than jianwei and about his size. thats about 80 plus to 90 kilos of meat and when its on top of you and choking you, theres not much you can do but to tap out and be owned.

like, even though hes big, hes fast (relatively) and he knows where to go and how to lever so fair play to him and bad news for me cos of all the times we engaged (about 3 to 4 times) , each time i died like a pig.

then when darren asked if there were any questions at the end of the lesson, i asked him all sorts of questions haha like my kancheong self and then he told me not to rush it and take it slow.

i mean, yea, i did enjoy this lesson, even though i got owned and the biggest lesson i learnt today was that fighting is like 90 % using your head and 10% using your body. if you ever thought fighters were brain dead killing machines you should revise that opinion right now. genius fighters are on the same level as einstein and two great boxers fighting together are like two ballerinas dancing, except that your dance partner is trying his best to kill you. now thats philosophy, if i ever saw it.

anywae, to address the problem of being owned, theres nothing like good ol fashioned practise. the more i get owned, the better you get (assuming you learn from mistakes) so i am going to join my old coach nik at NTU on fridays to roll around and kick some pads. for like 3 hours or so. anyone want to come? it would be a good workout. from 630 to 930 on fridays. good way to learn grappling for, dare i say it, free as well.

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on the way back from being owned and getting lightheaded and neckache, i saw a troupe of guys an girls on the mrt and their t-shirts said something like

"Le Parkour Singapour"

looks like the yamakasi are in town. never knew that singapore had a parkour troop of its own. i wonder how they practise without dying. we dunt exactly have 2 to 3 story buildings littering the place.

for the uninitiated, le parkour is an urban sport that was invented in france by a certain guy called David Belle.basically, he got bored with his surroundings and so the sport involves using the urban environment as a sort of obstacle course and jumping, flipping and bounding your way through it is the name of the game. add gymnastic flips and somersaults for style points and better effect. rinse, wash, repeat.

pretty exciting stuff and if you are the kind of person that likes a cross between gymnastics, rock climbing and ninjitsu, you might want to check this one out.

remember, you read about it here first.

perserverence

how do you know you are addicted to DoTA? well, when ure broke by the end of the week with like 30 cents in your wallet and its not even saturday yet. when last time you got headaches when you stared at a pc screen for more than 2 hours at a go and now strangely enough you feel pretty darn fine after hitting the 5 hour mark.

when you've spent like an estimated 25 bucks on mindless, albiet fun lanning, you know you are addicted.

damn, im addicted. and i dunt know why cos im not exactly a pc geek kinda guy but hell yea, the idea of chopping your mates into pieces via cute, fuzzy like "heroes" is so appealing to the male ego. just like gambling, you get your addiction and high not from winning but from losing. everytime you get zapped to death, or some cheap shit sneaks up behind you and backstabs you, it fans the flames of revenge and a burning desire to make him pay for his sins.

you know you are addicted when you name the title of this blog entry after an artifact in the game cos you cant think of any other title.

DoTA anyone?
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that asides, was supposed to play soccer with my 4Q mates today but most of em couldnt make it (for some damn well better be good reason) so anyway joel, his bro an dedrick an me went to orchard to like chill out.

i guess we've all started to grow up haha, ded's got a gf and so does elgin, liangzheng, wee kiat, philip an blah blah blah. my whole ex class is getting a girlfriend.

was out with mok the other day (yesterday) and he remarked to me on the RJ phenomenon of getting a girlfriend.

"everyone's chionging girlfriends now cos, you know, NS"

yes guys, its that period of repression and isolation from the female race. even my cousin agrees

"NS guys are the lowest form of creatures known to mankind"

its kinda funny cos, well, i mean sure its nice to have a gf on the weekends but you have to wonder how much effort can be put in like 1 and a half days a week. and according to a report i read online, if your girl-buddy is between the ages of 18 to 23, then attraction is based on the amount of time you spend with her.

so its like while your rotting inside tekong with a bunch of retards, shes out there trying her darn best to be faithful to you while that third year uni bastard is trying to get into her pants.

and the best part is that you cant do nuts about it. ok look, maybe im being just a little bit pessimistic and defeatist here. maybe that third year guy just wants to take her out...you know, as friends only.
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suddenly, im getting the after exams syndrome. days blur into night, there are no goals set. there is no structure and im becoming the creature that i used to be in secondary 2 and 3. a person whose life derived meaning from going out and .... interaction. if you're like me and you are sometimes an introvert and sometimes an extrovert, then you can imagine what a pain in the ass it is to be in a situation like this.

on one hand, your extroverted character is saying, go out, meet people, have fun! and on the other hand your introverted character is saying what the hell do you think you are doing you shallow bastard. you think half of them even gives a shit about you? what happened to self examination and introspection?

its a war of the worlds, literally and one that has seen periods of dominance. just like the Meiji era hailed the end of the traditional japanese way of life and the modernization of japan, so too does my characteristics undergo periods of dominance.

its like, you figure out you're , you know, really like this. and then you find out that each side has its pros and cons. eventually, the cons outweigh the pros and so you switch back and forth. this reminds me im still an adolescent, for some strange reason. my mom never seems to have this problem.
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somehow i guess sometimes you win, but you dont really win. i made a .... vow? to throw myself wholly into canoeing cos i didnt want a repeat of softball and the failure again. and so jc began and my whole life was canoeing, literally. for a while i thought that this was what i wanted, total dedication to an aim. but along the way, this aim got chipped off and blocked by so many obstacles. i mean, yea sure, we did triumph in our own way in the end but at what cost? there's always a cost isnt there? theres always something unseen in the equation that comes around the stare you straight in the face and then you wonder why you never saw it coming, in your blind fortitude.

canoeing was great, but i failed again because i failed to realise that people do things differently in other places. and then when it more or less got sorted out it was too late. what could have been was not. such a pity cos i truly believe that we were made for much much more than we delivered. it is very difficult to remember the one greatest joy of your jc life and find out that it is also one of your greatest sadness.

and i guess its at times like these, when the days blur into nights, that you fully have the time to....regret. i think i know why i want to keep busy now, so that i wouldnt have time to regret fully. you know how it feels like when theres a wound somewhere...you bite yourself to take the attention away from the pain but theres still pain, and now its in two different places. bummer eh?

the distraction becomes hateful and you still cant forget about the past. why do i hold on to the past so much? why do you hold on to the past so much? something thats gone defines us so much its almost unfair.

guess i need an artifact that grants +4hp per second and +100% max mana.

Perserverence.

muay thai

well, to put it rather simply, today was my first muay thai training session. felt a bit apprehensive cos i didnt know what to expect and yea, the thought of getting beaten up crossed my mind a few times.

i arrived pretty early, about 20 minutes before so i could limber up and stretch. i had rowed in the morning with the juniors and so i was aching already and the groin strain from soccer two days ago still hadnt healed yet. well no pain no gain.

step into the dojo and what do i see.

one big bruiser of a guy, a few sinewy, lanky guys and all looked menancing. all men an all taller and more muscular than me. fuuccckk.

eventually i took a look around and it wasnt so bad after a while. yes, ther were the muscle-heads and the bruisers but there was also another beanpole of a guy and a skinny guy, so it wasnt gonna be a beat up session.

warmups was...well, more intense than canoeing warmups but much shorter. lotsa running and twisting motions repeated in sets. shuffles, jumping jacks, stretching...

then we were told to pair up. i met this woodlands ring secondary school teacher (the skinny guy) and we sorta paired up cos well, both same size what.

then darren came in and told me to pair up with Dave, an ang moh.

Dave looks pretty young, like about 20 plus and hes about 1.8m tall, a full head taller than me. hes also muscles galore. so well, ok, no pain no gain.

i think darren purposely did it, somehow...

anyway, darren has quite a few quotable quotes.

"if you hit a guy full in the chin and he doesnt move----run."

so it was Dave with which i started hitting the pads with. we donned gloves and practised the jab and cross. sounds simple but the technique behind it is majorly hard to grasp. especially the footwork, very the unstable and unsure.

darren added to the excitement by asking me to hit him a few times, then throwing me off balance to make known my sucky stance. well, at least i got a small tap to the head and not a roundhouse.

"open up your stance. too narrow. come on, you have big balls, open up!"

in case anyone was wondering if we actually did any real fighting. no, we didnt, but we didnt have to cos even when holding the thai pads (thai pads are thick pads with handles and straps so your partenr can punish you), i could feel the force of Dave's blows mightily. almost threw me off balance a few times. and when we mvoed onto roundhouse kicks, my forearms took a severe beating. you can literally feel your bones taking the impact.

imagine what a full kick to your stomach feels like....oh man.

to kick properly, your knee must be on the other side of the target, meaning you chop through the person and cause massive damage in between. so , do the math and it all adds up to pulverised muscle tissue and bone.

there was this once where dave miskicked a slight bit and while most of the force fell on the thai pads, he contacted my upper abs a little bit. and yes, you can feel it man. *grunt*

so, it was basically an intense "technical" (not physical, mind you, they have those as well) session today and everybody was Owned. (Darren is owning!)

haha, i punched so much (relative to my sedantary lifestyle) that i split my skin a bit on the kunckles. and when i kicked the heavy bag, my bone felt like breaking. guess i need more toughening up. yes i am a wussy.

its kinda like a blur now, but i kinda enjoyed the session, only that i couldnt continue with Open Mat after that cos of the groin and split kunckle and my legs were bruised a bit already.

he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.

meanwhile, shall work on my shadow boxing so tim can Dominate.